Lesson Learned from Barney (seriously!)...

Landon loves Barney. Sesame Street is okay (particularly Elmo) and Bob the Builder is pretty cool, but Barney- that's where it's at for Landon! He smiles, dances and does this "chicken dance" like motion with his hands when the characters sing and dance. I actually don't mind Barney although I will admit I prefer older Barney over the new one. Anyway, there is one episode on On Demand about Feelings. Apprarently the creators of Barney zoned in on the social and emotional learning movement (which makes me very happy!). So in the episode, Barney and friends talk about feelings, particularly happy, sad and mad. Now we all know the importance of teaching children that all feelings are okay (it's the way you handle those feelings that is important). So Barney reinforces this but adds that we should feel happy most of the time. Simple enough, right? Well, this mommy needed a bit of a reminder.
So here's my confession... I am pretty optimistic (as much as a parent whose child was diagnosed with something life changing can be). Jimmy is as well and I feel like we are handling this whole business pretty well... But, I have had a rough time over the past week (on and off). I've cried more in the past few days than I have since he came home from the hospital. I've been sad more often and I've been made more often.. Many of you will be surprised by this because I am pretty good at staying in my thoughts when I don't want to be emotional(it's a therapy technique that I've learned.. it's basically what I strive to get my clients to stop doing- I'm honest, right?). My tears are usually for me. Jimmy catches it more than anyone and others have caught it, but for the most part, the lack of emotion regulation happens when it is just me, myself and I. I am aware of the reasons that I have felt more emotional lately. I believe it's a combination of learning that my son has some anxiety, seeing him experience some not so fun things (belly aches, pretty bad diaper rash, diarrhea, vomitting). I'm sad that he is so dependent on the feeding tube right now. I mentioned in my Cystinosis group that I have a love/hate relationship with the feeding tube. It's the reason why he is plumping up, but I can't even tell you what I would give to see my son sit and actually eat regular food. My hope is that we can begin to wean him a little in the next couple of weeks (successfully!).
So, you ask (of course you didn't forget during my rant)- what lesson did she learn from Barney? Well, it's okay for me to feel sad and mad and cry. And it is okay for Landon to get upset and cry when someone tries to hold him and to exhibit some anxiety when we a nurse tries to weigh him or the phlebotemist (sp?) takes blood from him. Why? Because most of our time is spent happy (or at least content). And we have a period of time, every day, in which we laugh or have a huge smile on our faces. Today we walked around the Waterfront (with my mom, my aunt and my sister). Landon had the most adorable hat on and we walked past a live band. All of a sudden, I feel Landon bobbing around in my arms. He just can't contain himself when he hears music. And, he had a huge smile on his face. So yes, maybe at one point today both he and I were crying. But, that was just for a couple of minutes. The rest of the day was full of smiles.