This week was dedicated to doctor's visits for Mommy although I had to cancel my dentist appointment because I was pretty sick yesterday. Thankfully it was short lived and I feel back to normal today. Anyway, I did up end in the same waiting room and exam room as I got used to being at when I was pregnant with Landon. The last time I was there was 6 weeks following Landon's birth. And let me tell you, it was so depressing to sit there and know that there was not a baby growing in my belly. Our "plan" was that we would try to give Landon a baby brother or sister by the time he was 2 years old which would mean that I anticipated walking into that waiting room again feeling nauseous and excited to go through the next 9 months again despite morning sickness and heartburn. What I remember clearly is placing my hand on the top of my belly and rubbing it, or feeling those kicks that always were a pleasant surprise and made me smile. There were parts that were not so fun about being pregnant, but there were plenty that were awesome and especially the end result. It breaks my heart to think that it might not happen again.

What also breaks my heart is to think that Landon might grow up not having a sibling. I know that there are many many many perfectly happy only children in this world and lots who prefer it that way. And I know that Landon will have cousins and best friends with whom he will have a very special relationship. But, I have an incredible relationship with my sister and Jimmy has the same kind of relationship with his brother and sister. And, we are close to each other's siblings and their spouses. Yes, we are all just one big happy family! Corny, but true. My sister knows me and understands me in a way that no one else ever could (same with Jimmy's siblings). And someday Jimmy and I won't be here, and I want to know that Landon has "that person." You may be thinking, well just because two people are siblings doesn't mean they are close or that they will take care of each other. Thank you my devil's advocate friends. =0)

On that note, I have prayed since I was pregnant with Landon, that Jimmy and I would be the best parents to him that we can be and that we would always make the right decisions for him. Ironically, I never remember praying to have a healthy child. Either God was preparing me for this or I took for granted that I would have a healthy child (maybe a little of both!). But, I just have to trust that Jimmy and I will make the right decision in choosing whether or not to have another baby in the future. We have a 1 in 4 chance of having a child with Cystinosis. I can tell you one thing, if we do choose to get pregnant and have another child, the moment we find out that I am pregnant will be the scariest and one of the most exciting moments of my life. I often look at Landon and how beautiful, smart and incredible he is and I think, who cares if we have another with Cystinosis. As Jimmy said, "I wouldn't trade Landon for 50 healthy kids." But, I'm not living in Landon's body.

I honestly did not mean to go into such detail about all of this. This has been a discussion between Jimmy and I since Landon was diagnosed. But, I guess it's really no secret. People ask us often if we plan to have more or not, because of what's going on with Landon. And for anyone who might be interested, they can perform an amniocentesis between 10-12 weeks of pregnancy to determine if the baby has Cystinosis. So, we could find out very early. We would do this, not to terminate, but just to know...

Okay, so on a happy, positive note- not that this post has necessarily been negative.. BUT, my mom and I ventured into the mall today without a stroller and Landon, first in my arms. We had to keep handing him back and forth because he was getting too heavy to carry! And, he has consistently been eating this week. He really seems interested in food and is enjoying it! He loves goldfish crackers and today he had some vanilla ice cream and macaroni and cheese. He regularly says new words but it is very random and not necessarily predictable. But, he talks so much and so loud, and I swear to you, it now sounds less like babbling and as if he is speaking in some other language. It is so funny to hear him. He consistently says Hi and bye. He said dada and mama very clearly and with purpose. He blows kisses, gives high fives, low fives and pounds. He says "me" when he wants something. Ohh- he is just so much fun! No wonder I want another one!