The past few days have been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, all brought on by yours truly... Landon's Occupational Therapist was scheduled to come to our house on Wednesday at 10:30am. I knew if I gave him a feed at 8am (I couldn't bear to go into his room earlier to attempt to quietly start the feed because I wanted to just leave him alone to sleep), that he wouldn't be hungry when she came and probably wouldn't cooperate. So, I decided to skip that feed in hopes that he would be hungry and we could have a good session. I then decided to make pancakes for me to eat and for him to refuss (or so I thought...). My little man sat in his high chair, picked up a piece of the pancake and effortless put it in his mouth with an inquisitive look on his face. Of course we would spit it out or begin to gag (which has happened when he has tried pancakes in the past). Nope, no he didn't! The light bulb went off (just picture a goofy smile and a light bulb over my head). Maybe we can think about weaning him. Immediately, I get on the phone to talk to his GI doctor about my brilliant plan to skip his morning and late afternoon feeds and only give him a feed at nap time and the continuous feed over night. I sent Jimmy pictures of him eating with a caption that listed all of the what he ate and exactly how many bites. It's time!!!
The next morning I woke up ready to put my brilliant plan in place for day 2. Keep in mind, I had not yet spoken to the GI doctor. So what did Landon eat for breakfast, you ask? Nothing. I felt the wave of anxiety and disappointment rush through my body. I acted silly and encouraged him to take a "BIG BITE" for Mommy. He laughed, but no bites. So, I calmly took him out of his high chair, gave him a kiss and sat on the kitchen floor and cried. I was disappointed- not in him, but in myself for not learning my lesson before. Don't push him. Don't move too fast. Landon does things when he's ready.
A couple of hours later, while Landon was napping, I recieved a call from the GI doctor. First we spoke about the fact that he has started to vomit again recently. She increased one of his meds, although I am going to hold off because he has been okay yesterday and today. Then we talked about weaning from the feeding tube. I should mention that she has a beautiful French accent so everything she says sounds wonderful. Anyway, she reminded me that Landon has been doing so well. He is on a great developmental curve right now with his gross motor skills. He is slowly using new words. He runs around and yells like a wild man. And, if Landon wasn't getting enough nutrition because he wasn't taking in enough calories, we wouldn't see those things. He wouldn't have the energy to do it all. I had to be reminded that it's not just about him getting bigger (although I love the round face and the chub on his little legs), but it's really about his overall health and development.
I talked to Jimmy about it all and he is totally on board with keeping the feeds as they are. I'm just concerned that the longer he gets the feeds, the more difficult it will be to transition him to eating food. I've been told that it won't and I hope that it's true! But, my husband (who is very good at keeping my grounded and focused) said that yes, we might have a hard time but we'll deal with it. He needs the feeds right now and that's what we need to do.
After my pep talks and Landon waking from his nap, the two of us went to a local indoor play center and had a blast throwing balls, running around and going up the ramp and down the slide. And when we got home, I hooked him up to a feed. =0)
So what has my not even two year old taught me? Patience, appreciation (for all of the wonderful things that he is doing and for the time I get to spend with him), to live day by day and not worry so much about what may happen, acceptance (of our "normal" not others)... He's a smart little guy, isn't he?