Nature or Nurture

I wish that everyone could see the Landon that Jimmy and I (along with close relatives) get to see. He's loud, he screams, he laughs and puts every part of him in that laugh.. He dances to Wiggles and knows exactly what the movements are for so many of the dances they do. He does a bear walk across the floor and has recently started to bend over and puts his head on the floor and hands up in the air. I'm not sure where he got that one from.. He has quite a little attitude and makes his wants and needs known to Jimmy and me. He hits the dog and when I tell him to be nice and use nice hands, he pats him and says "awwwww...." He is such a little character. But, when Landon is not around people that he knows well and sees often, he is very shy and very cautious.

His anxiety is definitely getting better and although it takes him some time to warm up to people who are not his immediate family, he does warm up. My heart melted recently... We were at school and were transitioning from one room to another. Landon wanted to "help" carry something that his teacher was holding. I turned my head and when I turned back, he was walking out of the room holding her hand. He also has become more "talkative" to people that are not us. He still speaks mostly "Landonese" with a few real words thrown in, but he will carry on a conversation that lasts several minutes. He actually will allow his physical therapist to pick him up and help him. He used to scream when she came near him.

So yes, he has made lots of progress. But still, so few people see the silly, fun little comedian that I am blessed to be around every day.

I was a very shy child so I tell myself that he is like me. However, I wasn't quite so mischievous and silly (ever!). That he gets from Jimmy. So, I try to comfort myself by saying that this is his personality... Or, it's a stage and as he gets a little older, he will become more outgoing. I can accept those things because really, there is nothing wrong with being shy and cautious. But, it is not comforting to think that our little boy has been affected by his experiences. I hope that he has few memories of the month long stay in the hospital. I hope that his personality is not shaped, in some ways, by this disease. I guess it is bound to be shaped in some ways.. But I hope that it is positive. I hope that this disease gives him appreciation for life- not resentment and bitterness. I hope this disease gives him courage and strength- not anxiety and self doubt. I hope.. I hope.. I hope..