Dear Landon...

My Dearest Landon, I know that you know.. You know I get tired more easily than I used to. You hear that extra effort in my voice that it takes when I pick you up, or when I get up from changing your diaper, or getting you out of the crib, or whatever... I walk slower up the hill than Daddy when he is pushing you in your car, I sit down on the bench when we get to the park because I'm a bit more out of a breath now. And, we are driving to the bank and Rite Aid instead of walking because pushing you up the hill just does not feel like an option. What you don't know is that this is going to get worse until your little brother is here in approximately 20 more weeks. Believe me Buddy, it is totally worth it.. I know! What I also know is that you may be having yourself a bit of a laugh in all of this. I think that you know that your mommy's energy level is no where near what yours is throughout the day. Oh yes, Landon- you know.. Just know that I am on to you, and I will, my boy, get you back some day. That day will certainly not come soon after your brother is here because I know I will have even less energy than I do now, but the day will come. Oh yes, my boy, I will get you back.. Love, Mommy Okay- so of course I am being silly. But we have had a morning in which I just want to collapse on the couch and Landon, well, doesn't... As I sit here typing with "Project Runway" in the background, I remember that the kitchen, dining room and living room are a disaster. So, once I hit Publish, upstairs I will go to retrieve crayons that are mixed in with blocks from his Alphabet Train and to gather toys cars from the hallway, under the couch and crashed throughout the living room. He does make me laugh though... He tries really hard to prolong the stories, the rituals before his nap. Today, he followed my into his room to choose book juggling two cars in his hands (juggling because both were too big for him to hold with only one hand). He looks at my and says, with a very concerned look on his face, "Mama, ChooChoo?" I told him to go ahead and get one ChooChoo train. He brought back one and lined it up beside the two cars that he had already proclaimed were going to bed with him. Today was Day 3 of Pre-School... Landon woke up this morning at 6:30am. His usual wake up time is between 7:30-8:00am so I was a little concerned that his mood wasn't going to be great, particularly if I wanted to disconnect a bit and allow him to show some independence at school. He seemed okay this morning until about 30 minutes before we had to leave and then he wanted to be held and wanted lots of attention. It took some extra silliness on my part to get him to put his shoes and socks on and we had to take a small car with us. Landon really likes to put his backpack in his cubby so that made his mood a little better once we got to school. He wanted to carried into his classroom but then as I put him down, he seemed excited once I reminded him where the bin of dinosaurs is placed. Then his teacher directed his attention to the table with paint. After a few minutes, he wasn't paying much attention to me so I told his teacher that I was going to attempt to go into the hall. I gave him a kiss and told him that I would be back soon. He said, "bye bye!" I couldn't believe it! So, I walked into the hallway and joined several other moms who were waiting with their breath held waiting to hear cries coming from their child. The cries did happen off and on throughout the hour we stood in the hall. We stayed put... About 45 minutes into the hour long class, one mom peeked in and told me that Landon was crying. I actually couldn't really hear him and told myself that his teacher would get me if she needed me. A couple of minutes later, she came out the door and told us all to come in. Landon along with a couple of other kids were crying. His teacher said that she wasn't sure what provoked it. He had been playing, got upset and started crying. Before then, she said he had done very well. I am so proud of my boy! I never thought that I would be able to walk out of that room today. I hope that since he experienced me leaving and coming back, that Thursday's two hour class will not be much of a problem. I still plan to stay at his school just in case.. I wish I knew that at some point in the next couple of weeks, that we will have conquered this anxiety about being left at school, but I know better... I imagine that we have a fair amount of years ahead of us where Landon will cry when he has to go to school and not want to leave my side (returning from summer break, holiday break, a bad morning, a new baby brother...). It's certainly not easy, but inevitable!